Large Love

Milo is almost 4 weeks old. I can't believe how the time passes so quickly. I am desperately trying to hold onto every memory, every milestone, every tiny moment...yet it seems like if I try too hard then I'm not just enjoying him in the moment...and THEN, if I let myself stress about that fact, I'm having no fun at all!



...I wonder if other mothers are this hard on themselves?



Here are a few moments of my little family that I'd like to share with you:

This photo was taken just hours before our lives were changed. One last photo as our 'old family'. That evening, we went out to dinner with friends and while we were there I went into labor. Knowing that this was "it", we headed home to get our bags and had one last photo taken before making our way to the hospital.

If you look close, you can see the tears in my eyes, not from labor pains, but the emotional awakening that life is changing! I felt horrible for not spending more time with Roman that day. His last day as an only child. I felt overwhelmed that the moment had actually arrived and that nothing really prepares you for what lies ahead. I felt scared because I didn't know what the next couple of hours would be like, much less the next couple of days, weeks, months or years. I was excited but also the control freak in me couldn't enjoy the moment...yet.

I had a successful drug-free natural labor the first time around, so we decided to try it without drugs the 2nd time. I have to admit, after being in several delivery rooms to photograph births, even I thought I was crazy! Compared to an unmedicated birth, an epidural looks like a nice little vacation! (Which I know it's not, regardless of how that baby gets here, your body has gone through the ringer!) So to make a long story short, I DID end up going through with all of it drug-free and I couldn't have done it without my husband...and the birthing tub provided by the hospital. That thing was AMAZING!

So, I've had a lot of people ask, how do you do it? The answer: By the grace of God, a supportive husband, a birthing tub, and a distraction list.

I realized that the way I deal with pain or anything else uncomfortable in life is by distraction. Here is the list that I wrote out so that if I needed to be distracted during a contraction, I would have something to focus on. I still crack myself up when I think of how quoting a "TJ Mullen" Commercial in my head helped get me through labor! (St. Louis people: PLEASE comment and tell me you know what I'm talking about, I can't be alone in knowing this one!!!)

Here's an example of my husband's amazing-ness:

There was a point in my labor that I thought I would die if I didn't have the water in the tub turned on to "scalding hot". It felt GREAT on the lower half of my body, but the rest of me was so hot and uncomfortable. Yet, there was no way I was leaving that tub, it was the only thing that made contractions bearable. SO... Christopher was willing to manually fan me with whatever was nearby (which, in this case, was a "Friends" Season 6 DVD case) to make sure I didn't pass out from the heat and still continue with labor. And when I say 'manually fan', pictures don't show how long he stood and with such force he maintained the role as as my human fan.

Kelly Manno, of course, did a fantastic job photographing the birth. She even put together a beautiful slideshow which you can view here.

No, I didn't actually give birth in the tub, but we can spare all the rest of those details and bring you to our favorite moment:

One of THE BEST feelings in the world was when Roman first met Milo. The night I went into labor. I told Roman, "Baby brother is coming tomorrow. You'll get to meet him!" I was so unsure how that would go over. My heart melted and the world was absolutely perfect that moment that Roman came into the hospital room and greeted baby brother with so much enthusiasm and excitement. I can't think of a better feeling.

Now we're a family of four! I don't even know what that means, but I'm getting used to the idea.

Our lives have been joyfully changed and of course things never slow down at our house!

Roman has gone back to school and is learning all sorts of new things...colors, spelling, and even how to count in different languages! He's also at a great age that on a daily basis, he'll say something clever to make me laugh.

Milo is getting into some sort of an eating and sleeping schedule, which is a blessing for his busy Momma! And don't you just get a kick out of this little string bean? I love the way babies look swaddled real tight when fast asleep.



And I lost my husband... not really, but he had to go back to work and back to school. :( Also, I am excited for him that he'll be completing his Master's program soon and I'll have him back home more often in the evenings! His boss and coworkers were glad to see him back at work, even if they did give him trouble for his 'Daddy Beard'.

As for me, I'm officially back on the clock at the end of this month with weddings, fall family sessions and even a few 1st birthday parties to look forward to.

Don't think I'm crazy, I'm trying to take it slow...I'm not going back to the salon for a couple more months so that I can still enjoy my family in the best way possible.

The one thing that words and photos cannot express is the amount of love that has multiplied in our home. You hear people talk about it, it's almost become cliche, "You can't imagine loving another little baby as much as your first, but the love just comes." I never doubted that I would have enough love but I am pleasantly surprised at how large that love is.

If you are reading this on Facebook, go to my official photo blog for the full experience.
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